A Collasping Star
by Polaroidal.Pen
Summary: Firestar's nightmares come, again and again. Sandstorm just wants to let him know that he's okay... and that she's there for him. (Before the Great Journey aka Warriors: The New Prophecy)


The screeches and the pained moans ripped through his ears. Disorientated, Firestar swiveled his head. Left. Right. What was going on? The smell of blood was in the air and he found himself gagging.

_No_, he thought desperately. _This is just a dream… This is just a dream…_

_ Pack… Pack._

The voices that still haunted Firestar echoed through. He turned his head, ever so slowly, as if he was too scared to see what was true.

_KILL_

The pack swarmed through him. He yowled in anguish, feeling the teeth and claws tear through his fur.

"Help!" Firestar called out, not sure who would listen. His cry would render no response. The stars above him were silent.

A claw ripped through his throat and he closed his eyes for the worst.

"Firestar!"

Firestar opened his eyes with alertness and confusion. _Just now_, he thought. _What was-_

"What are you doing, Firestar? You're supposed to be leading us!"

_No…_ Firestar stared in horror. In front of him were the clan cats- everyone who he loved and cared- were massacred by Blood clan. He urged himself to move. To yowl. Anything. But his paws stayed immobile and he was forced to watch the onslaught.

Suddenly, he heard a yowl that was all too familiar. "NO!"

It broke the frozen spell and he dashed, disregarding the tearing claws, the smell of cat blood, and the cries of terror.

"No!" Firestar called out. "Whitestorm! I'm coming!"

But it was too late. He found himself in the exact same place as he did before. To see a white tom, lifeless.

"Whitestorm," Firestar said with his voice breaking. "No…"

Whitestorm. The one who supported him throughout the times when Firestar was an insecure, uncertain deputy. Who was- above all- humble and loyal to his clan…

"I'm… I'm so sorry…" His words felt empty and hollow because he could have prevented it. Somehow.

"Firestar, watch out!"

Before he could move, he felt like a monster had slammed into him. He landed against the hard ground with a thud. The air was knocked out of him.

"Miss me?"

A flare burned through Firestar. "You!" He couldn't move, for the claw pressing firm against his throat was preventing him to do so. "You're supposed to be dead!"

"I told you," Tigerstar snarled with so much passionate hatred in his voice. "I'll come back from the dead just to kill you."

Firestar growled, but he couldn't do anything.

"It's a pity. Even if he was soft, I liked Whitestorm. He deserved a better leader."

The words slammed against Firestar harder than a monster. "He- he died serving for a cause, which is something you can't ever say!"

"Oh, trust me," Tigerstar said. There was a glint in his eyes. "We all live a life serving somebody. But me? I rather die than live to be loyal to _you_."

"At least I never murdered innocent cats in cold blood!"

"Look around you," Tigerstar spat. "There are dead cats everywhere!" He lifted his claws, leaving enough space for Firestar to stare at the battlefield around him in horror.

Lifeless bodies littered the area. The only movements were the rustle of the grass that was colored red. There was a smell of blood that reeked in the air. The faint sound of mewls got softer and softer, eventually dying out. Firestar didn't want to know why.

"You did this! You caused this to happen! I will say this to you, Firestar. You will be the destruction of the clans as we know it!"

"No," Firestar said weakly. "That can't be possible." But his voice was frail and he spoke with the tone that even he had a hard time believing.

"I'll see in you in hell with me." And with the last growl, Tigerstar went in for the kill, lunging his teeth to tear Firestar's throat apart.

123456

"Firestar…"

"Firestar!"

Firestar woke up, startled.

"Firestar!" Sandstorm said, relief, fear and worry all mixed in his eyes. "You woke up!"

Cinderpelt sighed. "Oh, thank Starclan. I thought you were going to lose another life for a second there."

"I…What?" Firestar looked around in confusion. There was Cinderpelt, the medic. Sandstorm, his mate. And… He flinched at the sight of Brambleclaw so close in his den. The split-image of his father… His nightmare still left him a bit shaken.

"Firestar?" Brambleclaw asked, hesitantly. There was worry in his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

Firestar could see hurt in his eyes and he quickly scolded himself for acting so carelessly. He was able to build a solid friendship of trust with Brambleclaw after seasons of doubt. He wasn't going to blow it all up because of a stupid dream.

"No, everything is alright" he hastily said, getting up and shaking his pelt. He felt sore and cold. His muscles were stiff as if he ran across the Highstones and back. "Anything wrong?"

Sandstorm darted a glance at Cinderpelt. "Anything wrong?" she asked in disbelief. "Firestar, you weren't awake so Graystripe had to organize the dawn, afternoon, _and _hunting patrol without you. Anything wrong? Brambleclaw was sent to check on you and he came back to us, freaking out. He said you sounded like you were being clawed in your sleep! You wouldn't even respond when we tried to wake you up!"

"Er…" Firestar glanced downward, trying to avoid eye contact from his mate. "Tell Graystripe that I said thanks. And Brambleclaw, can you get two more warriors with you and lead another hunting patrol?"

His eyes brightened at the prospect of leading a patrol. "Sure thing, Firestar!"

"That's it?" Sandstorm asked.

He flattened his ears.

"Firestar," Sandstorm lowered her voice, gentling trying to probe the Thundercat leader into honesty. "What happened?"

"Stuff," Firestar mumbled. "Starclan dream stuff."

"Then you can at least tell me- your medicine cat," Cinderpelt pressed. "I think more input into this… dream would be necessary."

"It's not… I'll tell you later," he promised, although he regretted saying it in the first place. He turned to Brambleclaw, who looked awkward to be in the midst of something he felt he shouldn't be a part of. "You can go now," Firestar gently said. "Thank you."

Brambleclaw breathed a sigh of relief and dipped his head. He dipped out of the lichen den in a hurry.

He watched the young tom leave, feeling the two heavy stares behind his back. He let out a heavy sigh.

"Cinderpelt, you should go and check out Cloudtail's wound he got yesterday."

"But-"

"Please, I think it's starting to get infected."

She looked at him skeptically. "Okay," she said after a brief silence between them. "But if you need anything, _tell me_." With the most medicine-cat tone she could speak- almost in the manner of Spottedleaf and Yellowfang before- she left, leaving Firestar with the glare from his mate.

"You can kick her out, but not me," she warned.

Firestar sighed. "Wasn't planning on it."

"So, what's-"

"I'm going to lead a border patrol," he interjected before she could continue. He widened his eyes, giving her a pleading look. _Please, not now. Not ever_.

She stiffened at the sight and eventually sighed in defeat. "Fine, but I'm coming with you."

He purred and lightly tapped his tail on her shoulder. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

He walked out of the den and flinched at the glaring sun above him. It was already sun-high?

"I slept in," Firestar observed. Sandstorm snorted as she followed next to him. He walked toward the Warriors den, surveying to see who's left. "Hey, Brackenfur!"

The gold-brown tabby lifted his head curiously.

"I'm going to lead a patrol across the Shadow Clan. Can you come?"

He immediately sprang up and walked over to the pair, eager in his eyes. "Sure thing."

Firestar glanced at Sandstorm. "You should bring Sorrelpaw as well and I think that would be enough."

She only nodded in return.

They got the excited apprentice bouncing around the apprentice den and headed toward the Thunderpath.

"What happens when Shadowclan cats decide to invade the border? Are we going to have to fight them?" Sorrelpaw asked, eager to impress her mentor and leader.

"Calm down," Brackenfur gently reminded her. "We're in peaceful times at the moment, so we won't be fighting anyone."

"But that's no fun!"

They continued to talk back and forth, leading ahead. Firestar slowly walked from behind, letting himself be amused by the sight. "Apprentices," he remarked. "Always full of energy."

"You're telling me," Sandstorm said. "Mentoring her is a full-time commitment."

He meowed a soft laughter. A time when apprentices were allowed to be young and naïve, he mused. He was grateful.

"He's doing a good job handling her," Sandstorm noted, watching the young tom show an infinite amount of patience with the excited young she-cat. "You mentored him well."

"Yeah," Firestar nodded, feeling pride in his chest to see the diligent, loyal warrior become so gentle and wise. Even if he wasn't officially Brackenfur's mentor, he still taught him a lot during the time when Graystripe was meeting with Silverstream. "I'm really proud of him."

They walked for a bit, lingering behind the pair of young cats who did their jobs of scenting the border with focus and earnestness.

He could scent the Shadowclan in the air and he flinched. His mind wandered off, flashes of incidents with Brokenstar and Tigerstar in his mind. He faltered his step, much to Sandstorm's surprise.

"Firestar," Sandstorm asked, lowering her voice. She flickered her ears out of nervousness as she gently placed herself close to him. "What's the real reason why we're here? I've never seen you so… jumpy before."

"It's…" Firestar sighed. "It's nothing. I just wanted to make sure Tiger- Blackstar wasn't up to anything."

She stared at him. "When is he _not_ up to something?" She decided to say. "No, Firestar. I know you better than that."

"It's…" He hesitated to tell. What would she think? It was ridiculous. But before he could continue, they were interrupted.

"Hey!" Sorrelpaw meowed in delight. "We reached the end!"

She was right. They were at the edge of the border between Thunderclan and Shadowclan. He could make out the small Twoleg houses that littered across the Thunderpath.

"I smell some rogues," Sorrelpaw said, tasting the air. She bristled her fur a bit. "What if we meet one?"

"It's alright," Sandstorm said, touching her tail to her apprentice's shoulder. "This scent is here all the time. It's nothing new. Right, Firestar?"

She turned, expecting him to respond. But he was occupied by staring into the Twoleg houses that reminded him of his time as Rusty. He wondered what would have happened had he decided to stay as a kittypet. Would Tigerstar still accomplish his goals? Would the horrific incident with the dogs happen? What about Bloodclan? If Tigerstar got what he wanted, he would have never called out for Bloodclan and no cat would have died at the battle.

Was Thunderclan better off had he just stayed in his Twoleg home?

No, he scolded himself. Without discovering Tigerstar's treachery, Bluestar would have died. And the clans would have been at war with each other. He was being irrational. But still, it was one thing to know and another to feel. Maybe he was-

"Firestar?"

He was snapped out of his daze, seeing three of his cats look at him with concern. "Er," he hesitated. "Yeah, you're right. But still, let's go back and I'll report it with Graystripe. He'll warn the patrols from now on."

He led the group back to the camp, trying his best to be normal. Brackenfur sighed in relief and pretended that nothing happened. Sorrelpaw, right beside him, was smart enough to stay quiet the entire time. However, he could feel the intense stares from Sandstorm beside him. He felt his fur prickle but he pushed forward.

They eventually made their way to camp. Before Sandstorm could talk to him, he went out to find Graystripe, who was eating a squirrel with Longtail and Mousefur.

"Firestar," Graystripe greeted, dipping his head.

"Hey, Graystripe," he meowed back. "Thanks for covering me this morning."

Graystripe purred. "Don't mention it."

"I scented some rogues near the edge of the border next to Shadowclan. Just keep that in mind when you organize patrols next time."

"Will do." Graystripe looked up and saw who was behind Firestar. "I-uh you better go." His whiskers twitched in amusement. "What did you get into trouble this time?"

Firestar glanced back to still see Sandstorm waiting for him. There was a piercing glare in her eyes that made him wince. "It's… It's nothing too serious," he said.

"You sure?"

"I'll talk to you later," Firestar said. He got back and walked and slowly lumbered over to his mate. He took in a deep breath.

"Finished avoiding me?" She spat.

Firestar winced. "I'm sorry, but it was to tell Graystripe about what we saw."

"Firestar." Sandstorm rolled her eyes. "Every patrol near Shadowclan has to deal with rogue scents. This isn't anything new. What's going on? Why did you want to go in the first place? What were you thinking?"

Firestar felt himself shrink at the questions. He was in no mood to share them with anyone, not even to his mate. "I- I just had a suspicion," he said, treading carefully over his words.

"What? Was it a dream from Starclan?"

"It… it wasn't anything like that."

Firestar wanted nothing more than to share. To talk. To at least not be alone. But he couldn't. The shame of his struggles outweighed the desperation he felt. He couldn't tell Sandstorm- the best hunter in the clan and the fiercest warrior- that he was still scared of the times in the past. Who would?

No, this was part of what it meant to be a warrior. He was going to have to silently take it.

"I just had my intuition," he said, staring down at the ground.

"Firestar," Sandstorm said softer than before. He looked so tired and distraught.

Firestar sighed. "You must be hungry," he said. He pointed toward the fresh-kill pile. "You can go ahead and eat with the rest."

"What about you?" She asked, challenging him to meet her eyes.

"I'm not that hungry," he replied.

She glared at him. "Don't be such a mouse-brained. You need to eat!"

But the idea of eating anything made Firestar nauseous. He'll be fine. Besides, leaf-bare was coming up and his clan needed to be well fed. He can take a few days going hungry.

"If this is your stupid _'The clan comes first_', I'm going to claw you," she growled.

"Sandstorm."

She stopped talking. Maybe it was his tone. Or maybe she could see the fear and desperation in his eyes.

"Please.

Please, what? To drop the subject? To not talk about it? To not care about his sake? No. Please stay, Firestar thought. Please, don't leave me alone. I'm scared and tired. I can't get rid of my stupid nightmares. There are voices inside my head that are giving me second thoughts. Please, don't go.

He sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm going to head early for tomorrow."

"Firestar!" she protested.

He slowly went back to his den, his tail dragging behind.

"I…" He stared at her sorrowfully. He was beyond tempted to ask her to come with him. To share tongues and feel each other's warmth. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

He went back inside his den. Alone and isolated from the rest of the clan that he never belonged to.

It's been a week and his nightmares have been getting worse and worse. This night was no different.

His paws were stuck to the ground. He could do nothing but helplessly stare at the slaughter in front of him.

"I'm sorry!" Firestar screamed. "I'm so sorry, Swiftpaw!"

But Swiftpaw didn't hear anything. While he was being torn apart, his eyes stared into Firestar with hollowness and remorse. _You did this. _

"No… Please…"

More flashes came.

Runningwind's last cry of help.

Gorsepaw's slaughter in front of the clans.

Spottedleaf's lifeless body.

Yellowfang's burnt fur.

"No…"

"No…"

"NO!"

Firestar woke up, huffing. His claws were unsheathed, as if he was ready to tear everything apart. His eyes were adjusting to the sudden light in his den and he found two cats in front of him.

"Lie down," Cinderpelt insisted. "I think you're sick."

"I'm alright," he said. He tried to shake off the pressing paws. But his legs were weak and Sandstorm was not.

"Stop being such a mouse-brain idiot!" She scolded him.

"I already told Graystripe to watch over the clan for the day. You've been out of it lately, Firestar. You need to rest."

"I'm fine," he insisted. "Leaf-bare is on its way. The clan needs me."

"The clan needs you to be fully healthy," Sandstorm retorted. "Just lie down."

"But-"

"Rest," Cinderpelt pressed. "That's an order from your medicine cat."

Firestar flicked his ears in irritation.

"This is for your own good," Cinderpelt said, licking the top of his head for comfort. "We don't want you to lose a life so recklessly."

_Right, but I have seven lives to spare_.

"Don't say that!"

He flinched back as he saw the look of horror in Sandstorm's eyes. Did he just say that out loud? He felt a paw sock him in the head.

"Starclan gave their lives to you. You can just be so reckless with it!"

"I…" he stammered. His tongue slipped.

"I need to go and check up on Cloudtail," Cinderpelt meowed cautiously. She glanced at Sandstorm. They locked eyes and Sandstorm nodded.

"Go," she said, understanding the silent communication with the medicine cat. "I'll stay with him."

Can all she-cats talk to each other with their minds?

Firestar watched the medicine limp outside of his den, leaving him alone with his mate. "I know what you're going to say," he mewed.

"Doesn't matter," she scoffed. "I'm going to say it anyway."

She prodded closer, lightly stroking his fur with her tail. He flinched at first, but gradually loosened the tension coiling in his shoulders.

"What's going on?" She asked softly. The edge in her voice was gone.

It was then, Firestar realized, that she wasn't angry but instead, scared. Scared for him. His voice faltered. How can he say anything? His stupid nightmares were bothering him and he didn't want to be seen as a coward.

"Please," she begged. _Let me in,_ she seemed to say softly. _I want to help you, but I can't do that if you're being a stupid tom-cat and shutting off. Don't shut me down you furball._ _We can do this together. _

Firestar choked. Since when did he ever deserve such a good mate?

"Stay," he gasped. "I... I…"

"It's alright," she soothed. "Everything is going to alright, Firestar."

She laid next to him and Firestar leaned on her, feeling her warmth. His body shivered. He wanted nothing more than to feel the presence of her wrap around him, protecting him from his own demons.

He tried to talk. He tried to force himself to confess, but he felt her tail gently touch his mouth.

"Don't force yourself," she said. Her whiskers twitched, slightly amused. "You always had a hard time sharing."

He sighed. He just nuzzled his head closer to her fur. She smelled like the oak trees that surrounded the camp. The same trees that always allured him during his times as a kittypet.

"Rest," she said.

And he did. His heartbeat slowed down, matching the steady beat of Sandstorm's. His breathing stopped its rapid blows and stretched out. Soon enough, he was matching his own rhythm to Sandstorm's. He was no longer alone.

"Sorry," he muttered, after calming down. He felt a flash of kind of leader was he?

"It's okay," she said. "I know you're upset with yourself, but you're not invincible."

"But still, it's pathetic." His voice was sour. A sense of shame with the struggle he's been through. "A Thunderclan leader being scared of nightmares."

She turned toward him, her eyes curious. "What were the nightmares?"

His whiskers twitched. "Nothing too serious," he hastily said.

"What were the nightmares?"

He sighed. "Just… past battles. The dogs. Blood clan…" his voice paused, and in the faintest whisper, he said, "and Tigerstar."

He felt her warm fur press closer next to him. "That's nothing to be ashamed of," she said. "You've been through enough trouble for your entire lifetime."

"It was so horrible," he continued. "I could do nothing to stop it."

"You did everything you could. You saved all of the clans, Firestar. Don't forget that."

"But cats still died!"

"And more would have without your help."

"But those that did still deserved to live!" He trembled. His mind was still vivid with the flashes of the past. Swiftpaw. Yellowfang. Spottedleaf. Gorsepaw. Silverstream. Brindleface. Runningwind. Bluestar. Whitestorm.

"I know, Firestar. Starclan knows how much you're right. I miss them too." She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulders. "But you can't feel responsible for their death much more than the cats who are alive today because of you."

"I led them to die," he whispered.

"That's complete mousebrain!"

"Think about it," he insisted. "If I, a kittypet, never stepped into Thunderclan, Tigerstar would have never tried to do what he did. He would have never called for Bloodclan."

"Because he wouldn't have needed Blood clan. Because he would have declared war against all the other clan and led to the destruction of the Warrior Code as we know it!"

"But-"

"Stop letting your doubts tell you what you think is true," she scolded. "You are our proud leader of Thunderclan. We're all alive here today because of what you were able to do."

"So many cats died," he whimpered.

"And more would have without you there."

She was right. He being paranoid and he hated it. He felt his paws tremble. "You're right," he said, barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry." He felt pathetic.

"There's nothing to apologize for," she said. She licked his fur on the head. "Nightmares, grief, fear. Those aren't new. Unless you're an idiot, every warrior faces them, Firestar. You're not alone."

He shivered. Despite her reassurance, he felt ashamed of himself. "What kind of leader am I?" He said in disgust.

"Firestar…"

"I… The nightmares. Everything. I just stood in my dreams. Terrified. What kind of leader am I when I'm such a coward?" He stared hopelessly into the ground, not bearing to look Sandstorm in the eyes.

There was a brief silence between them and all Firestar could do was hear the gentle breeze rustle against the lichen hanging off the wall.

"No."

He turned to his mate.

"No, Firestar. I don't believe so." She pressed herself closer to him, pressing her fur against his. "I was there since you were a kittypet, scared and nervous in a clan that you didn't belong to."

"Thanks for reminding me," he snorted.

"And I even doubted you," she continued. "I thought you weren't going to make in in three moons. But you did. You become an apprentice and then a warrior. You faced challenges no cat would have been able to do. And once I truly saw the noble cat that you are, I never abandoned you. I never gave up on you. I watched you, from Firepaw until Firestar. That means something and don't you ever forget that."

"I…" he choked. All he could do was rest his head on Sandstorm's warmth and stay there.

"Stay here for the night. Please."

"I will," she firmly replied. "I will."

And at that moment, in her presence. He felt warm. He felt safe. He did not have his nightmares again.


End file.
